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Respect women to a man and vice versa
The article is a reasoning that will help to ask questions and determine by what criteria it is worth choosing a partner, and what to look for in relationships and improve them.
It has long been my idea to write about which men (not all but often met at work) I would like to live with and for what reasons. I even think that these reasons will help to decide in their relationships to many other women, as well as to men (although I am writing on behalf of a woman, but the material is universal, and therefore anyone can apply it to themselves).
Intuitively, a person always feels with whom he feels good, and with whom - not very well, but he cannot always formulate and understand this for himself. Accordingly, it often continues to maintain relations with the person who is not at all her / his in essence and spirit. But I will write a formulation that will help decide (who needs such a decision) - to continue or not, and if to continue, then what to look for.And I hope the material is useful to those who need it.
The idea was spinning for a long time, and I began to write only now - a good beginning has come for writing. A friend in the conversation told me the following phrase: Well, yes, you, women, can you be surprised ...
To be honest, even though I am a psychologist, and I understand the conventionality of people's statements, however, generalizing phrases on the topic “you are women” or “you are men” continue to jar me - just the fact that everything is very common there. You know, there are no identical women or men, there are people, individuals, all different. And the one who is an individual is also treated to others not as some kind of representative of a “type” with a set of certain qualities, but as an individual person with purely his features, and nothing else. Because there are women who are not typical (so to speak), and they are good at driving a car or understanding mechanisms. There are men who know how to get along with children, for example, in a way that no woman can do. So let's not look at each other as some kind of generalized women or men, eh? So it will be possible to really begin to get acquainted with another person and to recognize him, and not to confirm with his distorted perception some kind of general idea about "them": those who are from another planet.
But it was a lyrical digression, which also long ago asked for the light.
And in the phrase of a friend I was attracted by another word - surprise. That is, a man thinks that a woman can be liked, if you surprise her. And here my reasoning about the man with whom I would like to be with me came to a logical conclusion.
I told a friend that you shouldn’t surprise anyone, it’s better to love (if you love, of course), then the woman herself will be surprised, rejoice and respect. The key to my reasoning is about respect.
Without respect, in principle, a single union is short-lived, and this shows not only my personal experience. Without respect, people lose their “face” and “drop” another person, their partner or partner. On the topic of respect in partnerships, I will not even extend further, because for me this is an indisputable truth. Only here is another question -for which each of us is ready and can respect the other?
And this question, or more precisely, the answer to it, can help to decide what is missing in your relationship, to which you, perhaps, do not pay attention, and determine from the bottom line - with that person you are now there and are Are your development prospects?union.
I understand that I write with complex sentences, but I still hope that the meaning is read in them. Therefore, I will continue.
I will also not write about self-esteem as a basis of respect for others, leaving it as an axiom, and I will go straight towhatcan be a "subject" of respect. This parameter will help you better understand both yourself and your partners.
So, what are we ready for and we will respect the other person?
Here I will also use various examples.
Suppose I knew a man who said to his wife "I do not drink and do not smoke" with such a proud look as if it was a feat. The rest of the time, this husband was lying on the couch, coming home from work, and he was constantly tired at home. And since her childhood, her father did not smoke at home, did not smoke her brother, and in general her relatives were not addicted to alcohol. For her, this fact — non-smoking and non-drinking — was not out of the ordinary to be a matter of respect. Such respect, which would overshadow the constant fatigue and lack of initiative of the husband in solving household and life problems.
Or, for example, I heard once the reasoning of one mother about her son, who abused alcohol for a long time, and then stopped drinking.And the mother (of course, she is the mother and simply “supports” her son with her soul) said, “Well, isn't it that he quit drinking is not worthy of respect?” It is quite worthy, of course, as a manifestation of strength of mind. As a manifestation of a person in it. As a question of what his mother is ready to respect people for. But, unfortunately (his or his mother's, and even mine, as the author, listener and woman with his “parameters”), this fact of the biography of this son may not be the subject of respect for the woman with whom he has personal relationships.
All this is neither good nor bad. And does not mean that a person is bad or good. I repeat, all are different. Examples are given only to make it obvious:For some people, the subject of respect is that for others it is a completely normal and common phenomenon.And the subject of their respect may be completely different. Suppose the same ability to surprise, as my friend thinks. Or the ability to be a close and sincere person, for example. And so on.
For example, I understood about myself a long time ago that I can respect a man and respect him very much for his ability to be support and support. And here it does not mean the need to move mountains or solve all domestic issues.With this - life and some mountains;) - I can easily cope myself. For mesupport- This is to say at that moment when I am sad, "Do not worry, we will cope with it!" And embrace me. Or to argue on my side, even when I’m not right. Just because “we are a gang,” we are together. Or not to criticize me, but to show what could have been done better and how, or just to do it myself.
Support- this is my inner feeling of being with a man: I am his woman, and when I am with him (and even when he is not near), I am calm and feel under the invisible protection. It is such a feeling of support, I think, born of how confidently this man feels in life himself. This is not measured by the material, it is a sense of self from the strength of a person’s spirit. And my sense of support depends onhow this man behavesin my presence (and in general in life): does he rush into hysterical reactions to everyone and everything (not to mention “rushing” with clarifications on me) with a desire to “figure it out” or is rather calm and reasonable. Let me explain: I respect people who live in peace with their feelings and would not want to deal with a person who completely restrains his feelings and emotions, but to deal with an emotionally-loose person is just a disaster ...Here is about something else: about friendship between emotions and reason, aboutbalanced behaviormen
And I, especially with experience (in feelings in different people) and life, very clearly grasping such nuances. Perhaps this does not help me to find many friends or allies (and even more so a partner for life in my present), but it helps to do without those who are definitely not able to be equal to me and respected by me.
No, I am not writing about my own snobbery or intelligibility with fastidiousness. I’m talking about what I came to not in one year and in a rather painful way - first learning how to understand where I feel bad and with whom I am not on the way. And nowI write about what applies to the subject of self-esteem, and the foundation of partnerships- about the subject of respect for a man / woman / partner in a relationship. By the way, with regard to business partners, it works the same way: if you treat a partner without respect, or you have nothing to respect in terms of business interpersonal interaction, then your joint project is unlikely to last long.
Of course, I respect people with a sense of humor (humor, not evil-doing or sarcasm), I respect people who are kind and fair, I respect smart people.I really respect people who are developing (and especially - not fanatical, not ossified, but doubting, in particular, in their own rightness) looking. However, the two qualities that I described above - the ability to maintain and give support - are the subject of my unquestioned respect for the man with whom I definitely would like to be close.
Now every one of you, if you haven’t thought about this topic before, has a reason to think - why do you respect (and do not respect, is it easier to start with) your partners?
For what, do you think you can respect yourself?
What would you like to be respected for? And how much does this coincide with the "subject of respect" of your partners in the relationship?
What, maybe, you do not see in your partners (although you use the given) and therefore do not attach importance (but in vain) to the good and necessary? And what, maybe, should be found in them ...
Find some qualities that, like many people often think, are not in another person, you can try. For this you need somethingchange your behavior: start behaving the way you would behave next to who you want to be with. And sometimes it starts to be found out (it works - it is checked on the experience of many) that the partner has these qualities,it’s just that you yourself didn’t allow him to show himself - sometimes with his excessive care, sometimes with distrust, sometimes with the position of the parent controlling and punishing. This series can go on for a long time, but I will stop.
Let me just say one more thing: in order to start respecting your partner and find in it something for which you would like to respect him, you need to be well aware of your roles and positions in relationships. Remember that you are not mom-dad to each other and not siblings, but equal partners, people, individuals. Each of which is worthy of respect simply by the fact that he is a different person. In this case, somehow you liked. So, your task is to continue to recognize him / her, become closer, communicate, develop together and find reasons for mutual respect and joy. Or not to torture another person with the requirement of what he (or in general) doesn’t have for you, and, probably, to leave, so as not to drag the time of life: his and his. It is not very durable. And you want to live it interesting and joyful.